Is it ever okay to lie and say "I love you" and not mean it at all?

Posted In: n/a    Posted on: 2016-09-01 10:33:42    Posted By: ituglobal   


I went down to the biggest department store and picked out an engagement ring. At the time I was making $1000/US a month so I had no real money.


I think I spent $500 on a ring with an emerald and two microscopic diamonds on either side.


My girlfriend and I had been going out for two years and she was strongly implying marriage was a good thing.


When I started to go home after buying the ring I found myself shaking uncontrollably. I was 24 years old. I didn't think I was in love with my girlfriend but I didn't even know what that meant.


In fact, I was on a bus at the time and I think I had just fallen in love with the girl who was sitting across from me on the bus. That was the extent of my knowledge of "love".


What does it mean at the age of 24 to say "I love you", knowing that those words could affect the next 80 (potentially) years of your life.


So I went back to the store. I had the ring turned into a necklace. I went back home and gave my girlfriend the necklace. I told her I loved her and that this was a prelude to marriage. I tried to convince her this was a good first step.


Then bad things happened. I cheated. She cheated. I moved to a new city (my typical method for breaking up with someone at that time) and we were constantly arguing.


It was two miserable years before we finally broke up. So about 5% of my current life was destroyed because I said three words: "I" "Love" "You".


Why did I say those words? Because I was afraid of confrontation. Because I was afraid to offend her. Because I was afraid to be lonely. Because I was afraid of what other people would think of me. Because I secretly was in love with her best friend and didn't want her best friend to hate me.


On and on. Many bad reasons that were born out of insecurity and fear were the reasons I said, "I love you".


Because of these inner fears, because of my inner weakness, my outer life suffered the consequences for two entire years. Everything you do, everything you say has consequences.


But this means also that everything you think has consequences.


The outer world is just a mirror of your inner world. If you clean your inner world so you are focused on being honest, doing your best, and trusting that honesty and healthy living will produce the best outcomes, then the outer word will produce the best outcomes.


This is the key to all living. This is what I didn't know then but I practice daily now.


I thought I had absolute control over the future outcomes in my life. But all I have control over is how I treat my inner life today. Keep the lights on, keep the windows clean, and you become a beacon of light for all of the life around you. This is my only job every day. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's easier.


BUT, to answer your question, I have no idea. Who am I to judge?


We are all meant to do the things that will help us grow the most. Maybe at this stage in your life, this is the lesson you need to learn and to experience.


All I am saying is: everything you think on the inside, is reflected by consequences on the outside, including saying "I love you" and the effects that it has.


Being honest will always have the best consequences. But sometime something inside of us needs more drama and more pain in life for awhile.


In my example, the pain and drama lasted for years. In fact, I don't think I learned how to avoid that drama until I was 40 years old.


Be honest, do the best you can, don't judge others. So I won't judge you. Good luck with your love. You are clearly a giving and generous person. Keep working on that and the right outcomes will happen.


By James Altucher

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